On Friday, May 15th, 2020 at 5:45 AM—only 9 days after my quarter century mark celebration of life—I’ve fully, wholeheartedly, irrevocably embraced my life’s significance and all it entails.
Now... this is going to be one of the most transparent confessions you’ll ever get from me—especially considering how indebted I am to my faith. Get ready for a few laughs, relatable notions and plenty of breaths to relax whether you are a believer in Jesus, on your way to be one, said “eff it” or simply peering into the life a legit unconventional, unorthodox, fearless, steadfast minister.
Little back story: I grew up in the church—both Caucasian and African America cultures. Organically, my parents, my dad’s mom, her mom, her best friend (my godmom) and even her mom would recall stories and beam with reminiscing joy of the moments where my toddler-self would take advantage of opportunities to teach the importance of knowing who Jesus is to not only me but who He could be to anyone. And I mean anyone. Y’all think I’m on fire for my faith now?! Man, current me has nothinnnggggg on the pure and innocent boldness that my little heart held. And, yes... I was still willing to fight you for saying something bad about my Jesus. I’ve always been feisty. Definitely around 5 years old or a little younger, Pastor Freddie (my Sunday school teacher at my godmom’s church) told me one day on a bright, sunny, summer Sunday... “Ebony, you’re going to be a great teacher of the Word one day.”
When Pastor Freddie said that—what us church folk identify as prophesying—I was like, Yeah, alright lady. I’m not ready for that responsibility. I had that supernatural insight due to my dad’s thorough explanation of Bible Study (James 3:1). You were not catching me being judged harder!
Some more back story: my dad joined seminary a few years before I was born because of his gift to be knowledgeable of and to understand scripture. Growing up, we bonded over reading the Bible and him explaining scripture to me. It’s still the guaranteed way we still bond.
And as of that very day, I diligently, intentionally, habitually avoided the calling. Yup. I ran. Long and hard. Until...mmm...22ish. Maybe 23ish. Officially by 24, (last year) had I stopped playing around and commit to full-time ministry and to be obedient—no matter what!
Reflecting my life, I’ve been dealt strenuous circumstances. Most of them where out of my control but some were my fault. (Like my issue with sexual promiscuity and damaging men on purpose. Yeah I know... that’s messed up. But I did. My book will tell you more about it.) From October 7th, 2017 through the seconds of the days I’m graced to live, I’ve been devoted to Matthew 16:24-25:
“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If you truly want to follow me, you should at once completely reject and disown your own life. And you must be willing to share my cross and experience it as your own, as you continually surrender to my ways. For if you choose self-sacrifice and lose your lives for my glory, you will continually discover true life. But if you choose to keep your lives for yourselves, you will forfeit what you try to keep.”
To be blunt... everyone who claims to be a believer ain’t about that devotion. 💯 They’re not. (Another topic for another day for Confessions of a Bed-Side Baptist.) I know I wasn’t at first. I just told y’all I had a lust problem and I still have my moments where I struggle with it. But another important scripture always convicts me to hold myself accountable... “If you love me, you will obey/keep my commandments.” (John 14:15)
In other words, if (conditionally) you love (passionately—includes sacrificing a lot) the Most High, you will (expressing the future tense as in it’ll inevitably happen some time in the future) obey (to hear in order to do by following a direction or instruction)/keep (to take care of or to guard) my commandments (code of wisdom from the Most High to humans or decree).
The key words are: IF, LOVE and WILL. Simply put, if you love the Most High (who is Jesus...which I’ll give an apologia another day), you are going to leeeaaarrrnnnnn to want to please Him through following His instructions. NOW! You are not going to be perfect. You’ll still fall short of the glory of the Lord. Trust! Throughout this process there’s grace, mercy and repentance. Don’t abuse it though.
I’ve learned to want to please God through accepting His Son, THE Messiah, Jesus and it’s been a... mixed of emotions kind of journey. Some days, I be all for it! Other days, I be mugging the Lord and giving Him some fleshly (sinner-like tendencies) exchange of words because I transparently be like you playin’ wit me, Lord. You playin’ with my emotions Smoke-KEY. I don’t be liking it! At all. However, I made the commitment that I’d die to myself to respect the Way, the Truth and the Light. I don’t half-butt. I’m either fully in or not involved at all.
Similar to being asked to leave my most recent church, I’ve been given burden-some assignments. At the appropriate time, I’ll reveal the one I used to despise to its entirety prior to today. I be like, whet? You gotta be kiddin’ me?! I’m gonna look like a loca!
Example: I had a previous friend the Holy Spirit prompted me to send books to (as a pure form of a peace offering) after a falling out. I was like “Oh naw. I’m goin’ to look like a weirdo!” Understand, what the Lord was doing was producing Fruit (Galatians 5:22-23) and answering a common prayers we all pray. They go like this: “Purify my heart, God.” “Make me like You.” “Decrease myself and increase You in me.”
Spoiler alert! He’s going to humble the crap out of you and tell you to do something so He can get rid of non-godly traits like priiidddeeee, envy or bitterness. The friend sent them back. I was tight. Felt embarrassed but also wasn’t released to explain myself.
When you reject PURE forms of forgiveness, peace offerings or an extension of an olive branch (very Biblical but rich term), you’re rejecting a blessing from God. So this person rejected a blessing. Not my problem... *Ye shrug*
The next time I was prompted to do this regarding a similar situation but with a different person. They accepted it. This person received and welcomed a blessing through appreciating the books. They actually welcomed a lot of blessings. I’m still witnessing it this very day even it’s not tangible.
Another loaded assignment is carrying and accepting the mantle to break off generational curses. Every child is given this opportunity but not every child will spruce up enough and relentlessly attack it to eliminate it AND sustain it. That’s why it’s so important for family members to thoroughly converse with another to eradicate toxic behaviors and tendencies.
For me in particular, I’ve encountered a lot my whole life to feel the extreme density of how heavy they (the generational curses) are. Some of them have come at the expense of my parents ignoring them or not knowing how or wanting to rebuke some of these curses. For instance, both of my parents were physically abused and emotionally neglected by a parent. Due to their suppression, they’ve carried it over into their parenting through lack of emotional intelligence and self-awareness. I’ve given them sooooo much grace and compassion as I’ve learned this over the past year... and I have to constantly remind myself of it.
Now... last year (summer 2019)... let me tell you something... In the middle of Target’s home decor section with my old mentor, I had a random outburst of hot, resentful tears pouring down my face feeling so overwhelmed for having the calling to break off generational curses. I was fed up. I felt cursed more than blessed. I was angry with God. He had me bent for real.
*Cues cliché Biblical references*. Yeah yeah yeah I know. Use scripture. Worship. Blah blah blah. Don’t tell me xyz when there are endless examples of noted Biblical figures who had their outs with God including Jesus Himself. Spare me please.
And I won’t lie... I was still harboring remorse of having certain assignments up until the wee hours of this morning. Constantly asking why? “Take this cup from me God nABBAt!” (Catch the pun? My mature and smart saints did🤣) One of them being abruptly called back home from college to initiate the necessity and the mandate of accepting the call of full-time ministry to not have completed my undergrad and obtain my degree. (It took some time to accept that but trust me... that was a very humbling experience.) Or to be the activation of healing my family and recovering from ignored and poorly treated traumatic wounds.
This one assignment I have I’m like why am I called to this person? They’re beyond apathetic at times I be ready to body slam them... BUT! Everyone say but... “🗣BUT”... but grace (James 5:16)... but mercy (Luke 6:36)... but love (1 Corinthians 13)... but the Lord is answering my prayers in the way HE sees fit for me (Isaiah 55:8-9). I mean... it’s showing for it but I still would be irritated as ever. Honestly, “to whom much is given, much is required.” And that does include the constant remodeling of your character of transfiguration to be made in the image of Elohim. It isn’t easy! If you truly do not count the cost, you will stop edifying mid-construction. You’ll grow weary without hesitation. If you’re fixed on the circumstances or the storm swarming around you, you will sink and take your eyes off faith. And you will leave people hanging... people who truly need your testimony as encouragement. Which is why I’m hanging in there... It’s more than me. It’s bigger than me.
Around 4 AM today, the normal time I’ve been waking up to pray, I was prompted to read a famous story about this man named Moses. But it wasn’t about him... it was about his sister. Long story short: Moses was endangered to die by the order of the Pharaoh (in ancient Egyptian times) to murder Hebrew newborn boys and the mom of Moses put him in a basket to send him adrift to ultimately keep him from death in the Nile River. This resulted in him being brought into the the very place where someone wanted him dead for his nationality (Pharaoh’s palace). Ironic? I think not! Intentional according to the Lord’s plan though. (Exodus 1 & 2)
Ok BOOM! Moses’s mom sends the baby away in a basket and his older sister kept watch of her baby brother’s safety. Miriam (Moses’s sister) served as a watch-guard to ensure her baby brother would get where he needed to be safely. Personally, I take this scripture to heart because of how I care for my little brother and his well-being. In general, this is how I am with my friends and family. Also, she was a connecting point for Moses to return back home to be nurtured by his mom and then to be adopted by the Pharaoh’s daughter to bring him into the palace to live and to be included in the royal family despite Pharaoh’s orders. (There’s some dope stories in the Bible—no🧢.)
PSA: My sister Joss, founder of Full Gems Is going to be giving more depth about Miriam one day so be on the LOOK OUT!
Figuratively, there are some of you who have this unction to position yourself to ensure someone you care for is to be safe and to arrive where they may need without too much damage. This can be physically or purpose-affiliated. Some of you are the people who are being sought after while you are traveling adrift and sometimes, vulnerably with little to no guidance or navigation. Some of you may not have or feel like there’s a person who’s watching after you to feel protected but that’s why I love teaching scripture because I have some Good News honey!
*Cues melodic music like Jhene Aiko, Adele or the instrumental of This Woman’s Work.*
Allegorically, there’s a man named Jesus who sent His Holy Spirit after His ascension into heaven by the perfect orchestration of a Heavenly Father. Before this, the Heavenly Father offered up His first born and only Son and the Son, who was perfect and had a blameless lifestyle, selflessly sacrificed Himself through an agonizing death in exchange of your blemishes, imperfections, dirt, deliberate disobedience, for people hating you, rejecting you, neglecting you and all the more for an extension to be welcomed in where you originally weren’t welcomed. This Heavenly Father... This amazing Savior... This impeccable Counselor... saw you as lovable, valuable and essential to be adopted as royalty and to be treated as royalty before your very existence. Yes. It’s true. It’s hard to believe it now but wait... You’ll see.
He watches over you better than any parent, sibling or mentor. He cares for you better than your parent or guardian. He teaches you better than anyone in those professions. He tends to you better than any pastor, preacher, minister, etc. He’s larger than Namaste and a journey to a cube isn’t necessary. You get to access Him ANY where and at ANY time through strengthening acquaintance. He will leave 99 people who stayed close by Him to thoroughly seek after ONE lost person who fell away or never was accounted for. And only in Jesus do you find this overwhelming, never-ending, wreck-less, sacrificial, authentic, pure, stringless love that you’ve been searching for but always ending up short because of your behavior, your past, your present and future could never earn this favor. But only through accepting this man named Jesus will you encounter this...
And the relationship I have with Him... although rough, I’d never want to go back to what I thought was good but stay where all I want is God.
So I offer my gifting and calling to be of service to you if you want to talk about this more... If you have questions to ask or a simple prayer you need or for some people to return to God, I would love for you to email me at ebonymacton@gmail.com, WeAreAAOY@gmail.com or DM (Instagram or Twitter) me at @EbonyMActon, @AcceptingAllofYou or @WeAreAAOY. I’d love to help you and get you to where you’ll never want to leave.
I leave this prayer with you and you can share with others:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Show Yourself as that figure to the person who needs surveillance, connection and protection that no human or other god in any other religion can demonstrate or come close to 1% of fulfilling. May someone come to know You through this blog. May someone have felt a slight spark, little nudge, or a inkling of curiosity to ask more questions. May You gain a new daughter or son today or embrace the return of a child who wandered off. Let this be the example of love they’ll never want to leave because it can’t be located any where else. In Jesus’s name, amen.
Until next time.
Lovingly,
Ebony M. Acton🌸
Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing this. So much wisdom to partake of.